You may not be wrong, after all.
Death is a part of life.
That's a way to start out a post, huh?
A couple weeks ago, a leader of MNU went to be with the Lord. She was a 20 year old spunky, amazing, incredible nursing student. I'm so blessed to have met her and had the interaction with her that I did. Her death shook our whole campus. It really makes you stop and think when a person that is barely older than you, dies. It makes you wonder a few things. It makes you wonder "what if I die tomorrow? Are all my goals achieved yet? If not, why not? Am I loving as I should be? Do those around me know I love them? Why, God? Why?" and, a question that came into my mind; "What is wrong with me?" Couple of reasons why I asked myself that question. First reason being, all these people around me are crying/sobbing, and I sit there. (Don't get me wrong. I cried for awhile.) And, second reason, all my friends I've lost in the past are flooding my mind and are heavy on my heart. Why am I not thinking about the most recent death and her family? I just....sit there. On the drive back to school from Christmas break, I drove in silence for the most part, other than prayer. Once I arrived at campus, it was a huge reunion and such among my close friends, but there was that silent, lingering question between us all; "What if it was one of us? What happens if it is one of us next time?" Some alone time occurred, and I questioned myself again, "What is wrong with me? All these people are crying, and I just..sit here." Over these past few years, I've questioned myself whenever tragedy strikes. The persistent question. "What is wrong with me? Why am I not crying?" At times, it would be because I was holding back the tears, but most of the time, I just couldn't. I could not force myself to fake tears. That doesn't mean I'm not sad, but I just couldn't.
Over this past week, I've made a point to have about 30 minutes in the morning in a quiet chapel by myself to pray, think, and process things. I have come to this conclusion.
There is, in fact, nothing wrong with me. Or you. Or anyone else that does not cry when tragedy strikes. Some of us are intellectual people. Some of us are emotional people. Obviously, a healthy balance is ideal, but if you find yourself thinking while others are sobbing, that does not mean you are wrong. Second; if you find yourself thinking about other loved ones that have passed on, that does not mean that you did not care about the most recent passing, by any means. Love is persistent and is anchored within us. My love for my four friends that have passed these past five years before Quincy is anchored and strong, therefore it is totally natural that when mourning occurs, they come to my mind. I am not wrong for thinking of them. You are not wrong for thinking of your loved ones.
I know this post was scrambled. I realize that fully. However, I figure that someone out there is slightly similar to me in this aspect, and I just want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you if you sob to mourn, or if you think to mourn. Whatever you do, take sufficient time to mourn.
That's a way to start out a post, huh?
A couple weeks ago, a leader of MNU went to be with the Lord. She was a 20 year old spunky, amazing, incredible nursing student. I'm so blessed to have met her and had the interaction with her that I did. Her death shook our whole campus. It really makes you stop and think when a person that is barely older than you, dies. It makes you wonder a few things. It makes you wonder "what if I die tomorrow? Are all my goals achieved yet? If not, why not? Am I loving as I should be? Do those around me know I love them? Why, God? Why?" and, a question that came into my mind; "What is wrong with me?" Couple of reasons why I asked myself that question. First reason being, all these people around me are crying/sobbing, and I sit there. (Don't get me wrong. I cried for awhile.) And, second reason, all my friends I've lost in the past are flooding my mind and are heavy on my heart. Why am I not thinking about the most recent death and her family? I just....sit there. On the drive back to school from Christmas break, I drove in silence for the most part, other than prayer. Once I arrived at campus, it was a huge reunion and such among my close friends, but there was that silent, lingering question between us all; "What if it was one of us? What happens if it is one of us next time?" Some alone time occurred, and I questioned myself again, "What is wrong with me? All these people are crying, and I just..sit here." Over these past few years, I've questioned myself whenever tragedy strikes. The persistent question. "What is wrong with me? Why am I not crying?" At times, it would be because I was holding back the tears, but most of the time, I just couldn't. I could not force myself to fake tears. That doesn't mean I'm not sad, but I just couldn't.
Over this past week, I've made a point to have about 30 minutes in the morning in a quiet chapel by myself to pray, think, and process things. I have come to this conclusion.
There is, in fact, nothing wrong with me. Or you. Or anyone else that does not cry when tragedy strikes. Some of us are intellectual people. Some of us are emotional people. Obviously, a healthy balance is ideal, but if you find yourself thinking while others are sobbing, that does not mean you are wrong. Second; if you find yourself thinking about other loved ones that have passed on, that does not mean that you did not care about the most recent passing, by any means. Love is persistent and is anchored within us. My love for my four friends that have passed these past five years before Quincy is anchored and strong, therefore it is totally natural that when mourning occurs, they come to my mind. I am not wrong for thinking of them. You are not wrong for thinking of your loved ones.
I know this post was scrambled. I realize that fully. However, I figure that someone out there is slightly similar to me in this aspect, and I just want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you if you sob to mourn, or if you think to mourn. Whatever you do, take sufficient time to mourn.
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