This, my dear friends, is life.

I found myself to be rather exhausted this morning...I didn't know how exhausted I was until I had slept through my alarm for first service at church. Oops. So I decide that second service it shall be. I walked in to church a few minutes late and was promptly greeted with a huge and long hug from a sixth grade girl. So I sat next to her, who is one of the most energetic people I have ever met. During our coffee break, she informs me that she's going to get coffee, because "I'm tired and I want to be bouncy." me-"Are you sure that's a good idea?" "Yeah! Get some with me so you can be bouncy as well." "I can't be bouncy during service..sorry." "Why?" "Because I have to be civilized for service..we can be bouncy together tonight at the Christmas party though!" "Oh. I'm not civilized." Oh boy. Sure enough, approximately three minutes into the sermon, she started to grow very fidgety and

We sat around the table, immersed in conversation as we had so many times before. We planned out the series for next semester and challenged each other to dare to speak about the topics that intimidate us. We talked about our thoughts regarding the internship this semester; our fears, trials, and triumphs. My mind flashed back to the couple of day span whenever I had an offer to be a middle school youth leader back home and then a couple days later, finding out that the internship I had committed to up here, Living Hope Church, would no longer have a youth pastor. I was so torn that I took some time to be alone and went hiking in the Ozarks. During that time, I received a strong "no" as I sat upon a rock after a 15 mile hike. Even though I had literally spent that whole time asking for a strong answer, once I received it, I questioned God so greatly. Why, God? I have an offer with a church that I'm familiar with, a youth pastor I'm close with, the teens that I know,

I found myself to be staring at the sunset in the same place I'd sat and watched so many times before. I found myself to be in complete awe at the masterpiece unfolding in front of me in the sky as tears streamed down my face. So many times before, I had been on this same soccer field. My time there began with playing the beautiful game then morphed into going up to this quiet place to watch sunsets while I would try and process things in my life. I made the decision to attend MNU at this place. I made the decision to pursue ministry at this place, to quit drinking, to completely and fully love God, to love myself, to end an abusive relationship, etc. You name it, most of my difficult decisions have been made in this same place. The tears advanced from streaming to a waterfall as I thought about the relationships I've lost not only in the past year, but just in these past few months. As I thought about the things I've given up to pursue this life I'm living. As I though

Here recently, I've found myself struggling with my calling into full time vocational ministry. Same old song, right? Kind of. It's been a different type of struggle.. Not the typical struggle of "Do I want to do it?", rather the struggle of as I grow to know the heart of God more and more as greater pieces of His character are being revealed to me through fellowship and vulnerability, I'm beginning to realize His desire for my life, for all of our lives; His Kingdom Come. Through that, my perspective regarding my calling has completely shifted. OF COURSE I want to be a relentless follower when it comes to that. I want to be a relentless follower in whatever ways He would have for me. I want to live for the sake of the Kingdom. Through that, it has been revealed to me that my discernment of my calling was a little skewed. Many of you know that I had discerned my calling as working in an inner city with youth that are coming out of sex trafficking. That'

Monica Hershey- December 1st, 2008. Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009. Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010. P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011. Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013. Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014. Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015. Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015. Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015. These names. These are the names of people I was either best friends with or acquaintances with that died what I perceive to be far too soon. The dates after, well, you can assume. I'm still trying to process death. I'm still trying to figure out what it means. Does death only mean the loss of a person here? Not in my eyes. Within death, everything we know changes, yet life still goes on. The sun still rises and sets in all its power; yet we feel powerless as we try and process how to continue. Among all these deaths, my processing had a common theme every time: I didn't. I just didn't process. If you look at the years, you will see that

Do you ever have those moments of being so overwhelmed by joy, that words are difficult to find? Do you ever find yourself being confused because the chaos of life has hit you harder than it ever has, yet you are so at peace that it doesn't begin to make sense? Then, do you enter those moments where BIG pieces of your life seems to be shifting, and you want to love it, but you're finding it difficult to do so? Do you ever have all these moments all at once? Currently what's happening in my life. These past couple of months, significant relationships in my life have shifted immensely, strange scenarios have happened, my prayers have been answered, and some of the most joyous yet draining events have occurred. I can handle that, right? I mean, I'm Ashton Paige Mason, the fearless redneck. I'm the first one that says "hey, take a video of this. This'll be good." as I commence to do something that will probably cause myself pain. I'm the firs

We placed ourselves around a table and discussed our lives and our hearts passions, with bits and pieces being held back. We placed our phones into a basket before we walked downstairs. We then situated ourselves around a TV to not only view, but interact with a documentary called Nefarious. For the next 1 hour and 43 minutes, we cried. We questioned. We felt an anger swelling within us. We sat there in disbelief that it was real. We watched as girls that were far too young were pulled into the bounds of sex slavery. We watched other girls go in because their parents sent them for money. Cue anger. At times, people had to leave the room. At times, we sat there and sobbed. At times, we would begin praying so intensely that nothing else was invading our lives. More than anything, we erupted with joy that varied from tears to spoken words as these women spoke of Jesus that was always seeking them and met them in the room. The Jesus that saw their bruises, their blood, their filth, the

I first found myself searching my pockets, under my pillow, in my car, in random crevices here and there. Then, I began searching in actual places such as in nature, at school, work, wherever. When results were less than revealing, I began searching through things such as soccer, academics, a job. Still nothing. "Countless efforts leading to temporary results that were less than fulfilling" could be a phrase to identify my life up until here recently. Once I "found" church, I began searching through the youth group events, mission trips, retreats, church camp, you name it. Nope. Still nothing. When tragedy struck time and time again, the overwhelming question in my head was "Where are you now?" Beginning yet again the cycle of searching, wandering, hoping just for a moment that I would get a glimpse of this Divine Creature everyone kept referring to as "God". I was done. A life of constant searching with no substantial, sustaining res

We are about to enter week three as the excitement is fading, we begin to regret staying up super late as we walk into 8 AM's looking like a train hit us, as we begin to grow into the routine of not knowing whether to grab your neighbors hand during chapel prayer or not, and, for some of us, as the excitement fades, the roller coaster begins. This roller coaster of extreme excitement as the head of an organization contacts you, as you're hired to teach English as a second language, as you begin your internship at a new church that fully lifts you up and supports you, then the lows of the roller coaster commission as your heart is broken by a best friend and the walls of trust around your heart that you took down piece by piece begins to rebuild. You plaster back on the facade of perfection and extreme happiness when the people that know you best recognize this is a stage of brokenness and they say "it's okay to not be okay." And they provide a safe place in the mi

I walked in to summer, questioning as to whether or not I would return to MNU as a ministry major or change my major to psychology. I no longer felt any certainty that I was called to full time vocational ministry, and I feared so greatly the calling God had placed on my life to work with Anti-Human trafficking. Mainly though, I felt such a deep disconnect from our Creator and was no longer certain if I found my identity in Him or the calling on my life. I remember sitting in a posture of prayer back in the middle of May as the shock from my brothers accident was beginning to wear off, thinking "I'm so glad I could be here for that. But beyond that, my summer will just be work and I won't grow anywhere near as much as I was hoping this summer. God, would you just..do something? Use me? Teach me something? Just please, don't make these next 3 months wasted." I quickly learned that our God is a God of discomfort that calls us out deeper than our feet can reach, an

I guess writing a blog devoted to a former relationship is a little odd. Oh well. Recently, God has been going through a period where He will reveal things to me out of nowhere, and it's kind of an "aha!" moment that makes things make sense. One of the greatest things that has happened to me this summer has been the immense healing of my heart from a former relationship. I suppose starting at the beginning would be most appropriate, wouldn't it? For the sake of protecting his reputation, I am changing his name on here. We'll call him Caleb. Caleb and I FIRST met my seventh grade year. He was this handsome cowboy that was older than I, and my oh my did he grab my attention. I finally worked up the nerve to talk to him summer after seventh grade at our local historical celebration (good ol' days). My cousin was with me, and with her pep talk, I walked up to him and talked to him. Trying to play it cool yet look super attractive, because he was this handso

In response to last weeks sermon. Last week in youth group, I spoke about honoring your father and mother. Whenever I first agreed to speak upon such a topic, I figured it would be simple. Man, was I wrong. I do not feel I did this topic/commandment justice. I mean, what do you say to a group of teens whom of which (a good portion) have experienced their greatest heartbreak due to their parents? What do you say to a group of teens that know snippits of your story with your parents? What CAN you say to keep things in line, theologically? Ever since last Wednesday, my mind has completely just gone wild pondering this, I've watched my actions toward my own parents all the more carefully, and I've questioned why in the world did I preach on this topic. My 19 year old, barely a ministry major, just now honoring her parents ignorance restricted me from going too terribly deep into this topic. However, I feel as though some things were not said that should have been said. So, here

My desire and God's design didn't match. It was approximately late February/early March when my summer was completely flipped upside down. I was planning on working and living with a friend in the city for the month of June, I was to be in China in July teaching English, and then for the rest of the time working in the city. That was going to be my summer. If, for whatever reason, China didn't work out, I was going to be working at a camp in Colorado. Whatever was to happen, I knew that I didn't want to live in Fort Scott for the summer. I was so excited for it! Within about a weeks time, my heart was absolutely broken then I received some affirmation that I wasn't exactly thrilled about. Within a week, China trip was canceled, and my Mom called me and said that my brother would be starting his internship at Harley Davidson in May, and since he's the primary caretaker of Great Gram, they would be needing someone else and would only be comfortable with family ta

So I had the opportunity to speak to the congregation. That’s right. Not just a youth group with 50ish people. I’m talking like a congregation that averages around 325 or so weekly. Being 19 years old and only just completing my first year at college, I found this task to be incredibly intimidating. My fears of pastoral inadequacy quickly set in and I was like “Oh no. This can’t happen.” Not only were those fears happening, but I had also just began a job in social work that week, and I quickly learned that social work is incredibly difficult and will test you in every which way you can imagine. After week one, I was ready to quit. It wasn’t necessarily that the job was all that terrible, I was just so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to invest in my clients the ways that they needed, and to be quite frank, I was exhausted. However, I knew that I was in that job for a reason, so I stayed.   I had two weeks to prepare this sermon, and for about a week and a half of that two weeks

Before you read this, don’t read it lightly as if it’s some beautiful story of miracles. It is a story of miracles, but working towards those miracles was one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve ever endured. This post took me a total of four hours to type, because it was that difficult. Most of you know my brother was in a motorcycle accident. A few of you have assumed that since he is walking away with a few broken bones, that it wasn’t that terrible or serious of an accident. You assumed wrong. My brother was going somewhere between 60 and 70 MPH on a motorcycle when his highway peg clipped a four wheeler, sending my brother into a swivel, when he regained control, he was riding in a ditch. With a mailbox coming up, my brother decides to lay the bike on its side. After hitting the mailbox, he hits a culver and goes airborne with his bike. He lands. He does all this with no helmet on. Let me repeat, no helmet on. His friend runs over, my brother had swallowed his own tongue and