This, my dear friends, is life.

I found myself to be staring at the sunset in the same place I'd sat and watched so many times before. I found myself to be in complete awe at the masterpiece unfolding in front of me in the sky as tears streamed down my face. So many times before, I had been on this same soccer field. My time there began with playing the beautiful game then morphed into going up to this quiet place to watch sunsets while I would try and process things in my life. I made the decision to attend MNU at this place. I made the decision to pursue ministry at this place, to quit drinking, to completely and fully love God, to love myself, to end an abusive relationship, etc. You name it, most of my difficult decisions have been made in this same place. The tears advanced from streaming to a waterfall as I thought about the relationships I've lost not only in the past year, but just in these past few months. As I thought about the things I've given up to pursue this life I'm living. As I though

Here recently, I've found myself struggling with my calling into full time vocational ministry. Same old song, right? Kind of. It's been a different type of struggle.. Not the typical struggle of "Do I want to do it?", rather the struggle of as I grow to know the heart of God more and more as greater pieces of His character are being revealed to me through fellowship and vulnerability, I'm beginning to realize His desire for my life, for all of our lives; His Kingdom Come. Through that, my perspective regarding my calling has completely shifted. OF COURSE I want to be a relentless follower when it comes to that. I want to be a relentless follower in whatever ways He would have for me. I want to live for the sake of the Kingdom. Through that, it has been revealed to me that my discernment of my calling was a little skewed. Many of you know that I had discerned my calling as working in an inner city with youth that are coming out of sex trafficking. That'

Monica Hershey- December 1st, 2008. Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009. Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010. P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011. Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013. Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014. Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015. Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015. Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015. These names. These are the names of people I was either best friends with or acquaintances with that died what I perceive to be far too soon. The dates after, well, you can assume. I'm still trying to process death. I'm still trying to figure out what it means. Does death only mean the loss of a person here? Not in my eyes. Within death, everything we know changes, yet life still goes on. The sun still rises and sets in all its power; yet we feel powerless as we try and process how to continue. Among all these deaths, my processing had a common theme every time: I didn't. I just didn't process. If you look at the years, you will see that