This, my dear friends, is life.

As a student chaplain, I've been privileged to be able to have conversations with people that I wouldn't have otherwise. A common thread between all of these conversations is that of "I just don't trust people. It's easier that way." Every time I would hear this phrase or one that is similar, my heart ached. You see, whenever we accept the invitation to live within the reality of the Kingdom, we are now citizens of the Kingdom. As citizens of the Kingdom, we are now a part of the body of Christ. We are family. Your Kingdom family, perhaps unlike your earthly family, must be laced with trust. However, we live within terms of deep distrust because we claim that it's easier and it hurts less. I beg to differ. Whenever we dwell within distrust, we are intentionally separating ourselves from the love of the Father. Even greater harm is that this is what the enemy desires. He desires us to be as separate from love as can possibly be. Love is risky and m

I'm laying in my bed after a day that was long. When I say long, I mean this day started at 5AM with a phone call from a member of my flock, in which I immediately went over to this person's place to pray over them. As I was heading back to get ready for class, I pulled over at a park and sat in my car, and I cried. Hard. It was a combination of complete exhaustion and overwhelmed by the joy of having the opportunity to do this. I'm finding that the very thing that I love (ministry) has some of the greatest rewards, but also has some of the most trying times a person can face. I can't tell you how many nights in the past month I've stayed up until 4AM praying for one of my flock, only to fall asleep for 3 hours before waking up to go to breakfast with someone that needed to talk and process. I can't tell you how many times in the past month I've found myself in my office, critically analyzing how I'm performing in the different areas of ministry,

I'll never forget sitting in the chair that was light brown in color, and cold. So, so cold. I'll never forget the cheesy music that was playing in the office that day. I'll never forget the intense pain in my lungs, as if someone was pulling them out of my chest and setting a brick on them, every. Single. Day. I'll never forget the paranoia I faced in the mornings as I would wake up with absolutely no recollection of the past few months of my life, and would have to read through old journal entries to be able to remember what had happened and where I was at. My senses were heightened in immense ways. I'll never forget the Doctor's posture as he sat in his chair and let out a huge sigh. I'll never forget the tone of the Doctor's voice whenever he said "I don't know how you're still alive right now. Usually someone that has digressed as quickly as you would be on their deathbed. We're considering sending you out of state for treatm

I yearn for the day I can look at the news in the morning, and a new shooting hasn't occurred the night before. I yearn for the day I can think about having kids in the future, and not have extensive fear run through me. I yearn for the day that instead of speaking slander and hatred, we speak love and life. You all know the current state of our country. It's in complete disarray, it seems like. Many are speaking into the fear they have for the upcoming elections. So many that are to be working for justice are being killed or are killing. I've been doing some research, and we won't even get into the economic predicament we could be entering if this all continues. It's chaos, friends. And to be quite frank, it's kind of terrifying. I was praying this morning after reading of the shooting in Dallas, completely heartbroken. I expressed my fear and heartache to God, and He responded some pretty simple, yet profound things to me. He impressed on my heart that H

Life can, and does, happen in a flash. You can wake up one morning in a beautiful state, working the dream job that you've been praying for since you received a calling into youth ministry missions when you were 16, and by the end of the night, you're booking your flight home due to health concerns. The weeks to come, you suffer from extensive physical and emotional pain, constantly questioning why God would make such an amazing thing happen only to have it taken away so quickly. You wonder why you went through such trouble to get to such a trip, to have something so simple make it be done. In the days and weeks to come, you question everything. Well, mostly everything. The one "thing" that you literally CANNOT question because it keeps getting shoved in your face every waking moment is God's love for you. I'm going to quit talking in third person now. If you're close with me at all, you know how much I was looking forward to this trip. You know

"Only through Christ are we victorious" is the phrase that kept running through my head and completely overtook my prayers a year ago, to the day. For so long, I tried to do it on my own, potentially including God a little here and there. Every single time I got up close and personal with the giant in my life, the overwhelming addiction that I fought for 7 years, it was much more than I could face. "I can never do this" I told myself over and over again as for 7 LONG years I fought to no end, leading to exhaustion and questioning what else to do. I tried counseling, meetings, nothing seemed to work for more than a couple of months or so. God finally gave me a smack across the face whenever He revealed to me that I would struggle with this for the rest of my life if I didn't completely surrender this giant in my life. He continually showed me that healing was possible, if I wanted it. Time and time again, I asked for healing from this, however, I asked for heal

My heart is ready. My body is prepared. My soul is longing to serve in different, unique ways. Doing construction based work on a small team in a small town working with teens in the Adirondack mountains? Count me in. While there were some personal challenges to overcome during training, I never thought I would be coming back to Kansas before August. We arrive on site, and I immediately notice that something just doesn't feel right. I thought it was just due to exhaustion. I press on, because I'm ready. I'm ready to get to know this community and love on them in whatever ways and tell them the gospel first with my actions, then with my words. I'm so ready. The hours go on, and I notice myself growing sicker and sicker. Nope, press on. I'm ready. I notice that I only feel extremely sick while at the place we're staying and where my workspace is at. Ignore it. I'm ready. It wasn't until making a phone call home that I find out what the cause of

The risk of gratitude runs deeper than we are willing to feel. Have you ever been truly grateful for someone? I'm talking like you know without a doubt they are a Divine placement in your life. Sure, we're grateful. We use manners when someone opens a door for us, buys us lunch, or whatever other circumstance arises that permits a "thank you." Look beyond the mundane circumstantial gratitude. Have you ever been grateful for the Divine placement in your life? Regardless of what they do, you're grateful for them? Woah woah woah Ashton...That's kinda sketch. I mean, they haven't done anything for me to be grateful for them. Yeah, I know. I don't think I began to get a true picture of God until someone told me they were grateful for me. I replied with "What did I do?" They said "nothing, that's the point." God is grateful for you, before you even choose to love Him and accept Him. Well yeah, Ashton. Duh. Yeah, exactly. It&

Does desperation ring in your heart? Friday afternoon, the ten of us gathered under the impression that this would be a poverty simulation. Man, was it ever. It was an intense poverty simulation by the name of "Jubilee Village" that, little did we know, would actually place us in the position of locals in a third world country that live on less than a dollar per day. The first thing we were told was "Your standard of living will go down, but your quality of living will go up." We were immediately divided into three countries and were given a "baby" (water balloon) and one of our people was designated to be sick. You see, the problem with this, was that our villages were so tight knit, that we didn't believe in eating until the sick person was well, so we had to go pick flowers for their medicine. I believe it was at this point that I said "What percentage of our grade is this weekend?" (30%, in case you were curious.) Our village received 3

"Where was love?" I asked myself as I trekked along a trail here recently. You see, I had come to this park expecting to hike about a mile or two, and brought enough water for such. Once I arrived, I decided I wanted to tackle the longer trail..Which wasn't the brightest idea, since I was just growing healthy after being sick for a week, so I was very exhausted, but hey, live a little, right? I trekked this trail that seemed to never end with many twists, dangerously slim places, and turn arounds (for my sense of direction is sub-par). With each step I took, I thought "What is love?" I had found myself to be in adoration with this view of the pretty, perfect love. The kind of love you see in Disney movies. However, as I've discovered (especially this past semester) love is anything OTHER than what we want to picture it as. Love is messy. Love is not just based upon the statement of "I believe!" No, love changes you. Love makes you grow in areas y

WARNING: Content may contain triggers (references to abuse, neglect, and addictions.) You're two years old. Life is simple out on the farm. Life is good. You're three years old. You have distinct memories of wanting to be something. You're four years old, looking in the mirror. You know you are going to do something in life. But then, something shifts. You find yourself striving after what that four year old once saw in herself. You grow up, trying to prove something. You grow up, trying to gain what you didn't know, but desired. The innate longing grew deeper. The days grew longer. You do more, searching for more, seeking what you had been taught to be truth. This truth that would yield temporary satisfaction, and extensive pain. And then you're ignored whenever you have nothing left to offer. Thrown to the curb like an empty McDonald's bag. So you grow up, viewing yourself as being just about as precious as an empty McDonald's bag. Feelin

I will not try to scare you into heaven, rather I want to propose some concepts as I tell you about the current state of my spiritual walk. Day after day, I would ask God to speak to me. I would ask for guidance, healing, wisdom, all the typical things for a young and hurting college student that is interning at a church. Day after day, I would walk away discouraged, as these prayer requests weren't being fulfilled. I was convinced that I just didn't have the gift of intercession and that somehow, my prayers weren't as valid as other peoples prayers. I listened to the lies that my voice wasn't one that God wanted to hear. I listened to the lies that I wouldn't be able to one day proclaim "I am healed!" I decided at the New year that I would try something new. I believe completely and totally that we are found by freedom as we surrender, however, the missing piece, was that our obedience should follow suit. I committed to waking up at 445 monday-friday