In response.
In response to last weeks sermon.
Last week in youth group, I spoke about honoring your father and mother. Whenever I first agreed to speak upon such a topic, I figured it would be simple. Man, was I wrong. I do not feel I did this topic/commandment justice. I mean, what do you say to a group of teens whom of which (a good portion) have experienced their greatest heartbreak due to their parents? What do you say to a group of teens that know snippits of your story with your parents? What CAN you say to keep things in line, theologically?
Ever since last Wednesday, my mind has completely just gone wild pondering this, I've watched my actions toward my own parents all the more carefully, and I've questioned why in the world did I preach on this topic. My 19 year old, barely a ministry major, just now honoring her parents ignorance restricted me from going too terribly deep into this topic. However, I feel as though some things were not said that should have been said. So, here it goes.
To those of you with the really, REALLY inconsistent, possibly abusive parents scenario like we talked about, first off, I'm so sorry. The people that were supposed to protect and guide you in this world did not do so, and I'm so sorry for that. I'm so sorry that you did not have those direct examples from day one in life of how to live a happy, Christ-centered life. I'm so sorry that you have asked the questions of "Why wasn't I good enough for them?", "What else can I do?", "Is this what my Heavenly Father looks like? If so, count me out." Guys, I'm so sorry. I can't say that enough. Each time one of you tells me even a small piece of your heartbreak, my heart breaks for you and with yours. Each time one of you tells me you're afraid that your father will find you again, I just want to wrap you up in my arms, never let go, and reassure you that I will never let them hurt you again. I just want to fix everything.
I can't.
If I could, I would. But I cannot. And for that, I am sorry. For you guys though, what do I think it means to honor your father and your mother? Well, obviously it doesn't look like the majority of your peers. It doesn't mean obeying their commands. It doesn't mean continuously putting yourself in deeply painful scenarios. Goodness, no. What do I think it means? I think it means being the best you that you can possibly be. Before you say "I already tried that. They still didn't think I was good enough." Don't do it for them, don't do it in spite of them, rather do it in honor of them, even if they don't deserve it. Wake up daily and say "I'm living my life. I will accept the positive guidance I've been granted, and I will be the best I can possibly be because I love life." At first, this will be really freaking hard. Eventually though, you begin to believe what you say. Pray for your parents, your elders, even if you think they don't deserve it. I can absolutely guarantee you that there were times you didn't "deserve" prayer, but people were still praying for you. People were still rooting for you. Does this mean you'll have some incredible miraculous story like mine where you are able to begin to mend the relationship with your parents? I don't know. What I do know, is that this will begin to allow your heart to heal. I know honoring without relationship sounds SO strange, but sometimes, that's all that can happen. Sometimes, that the best you can possibly do. You know what? That's alright! For some of you, even thinking about doing so is a HUGE step. I'm so proud of you.
Leading on, for those of you that have an image of your Heavenly Father due to your earthly father, I'm so sorry. I promise you, God is not like your earthly dad. God is this amazing, mystic, shelter that is reaching His arms out to you to embrace you, as He grabs your hand to guide you through the scary times, and as He picks you up and swings you around during the amazing times. God gives greater grace than we can ever imagine, and you never have to question "When will I be good enough for Him?" Because gosh dang it, God loves you so deeply JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
Honor that. Cherish that. Remember, our Heavenly Dad will not give up on us. Trust Him. It may take time, but He understands that.
I'm still not entirely certain that I did this topic justice. I just felt like this needed to happen.
One last thing, just because this is directed towards my teens doesn't mean it can't apply to someone else. We are all children. Whether we are under 18 or over, we are all children of our Creator.
Last week in youth group, I spoke about honoring your father and mother. Whenever I first agreed to speak upon such a topic, I figured it would be simple. Man, was I wrong. I do not feel I did this topic/commandment justice. I mean, what do you say to a group of teens whom of which (a good portion) have experienced their greatest heartbreak due to their parents? What do you say to a group of teens that know snippits of your story with your parents? What CAN you say to keep things in line, theologically?
Ever since last Wednesday, my mind has completely just gone wild pondering this, I've watched my actions toward my own parents all the more carefully, and I've questioned why in the world did I preach on this topic. My 19 year old, barely a ministry major, just now honoring her parents ignorance restricted me from going too terribly deep into this topic. However, I feel as though some things were not said that should have been said. So, here it goes.
To those of you with the really, REALLY inconsistent, possibly abusive parents scenario like we talked about, first off, I'm so sorry. The people that were supposed to protect and guide you in this world did not do so, and I'm so sorry for that. I'm so sorry that you did not have those direct examples from day one in life of how to live a happy, Christ-centered life. I'm so sorry that you have asked the questions of "Why wasn't I good enough for them?", "What else can I do?", "Is this what my Heavenly Father looks like? If so, count me out." Guys, I'm so sorry. I can't say that enough. Each time one of you tells me even a small piece of your heartbreak, my heart breaks for you and with yours. Each time one of you tells me you're afraid that your father will find you again, I just want to wrap you up in my arms, never let go, and reassure you that I will never let them hurt you again. I just want to fix everything.
I can't.
If I could, I would. But I cannot. And for that, I am sorry. For you guys though, what do I think it means to honor your father and your mother? Well, obviously it doesn't look like the majority of your peers. It doesn't mean obeying their commands. It doesn't mean continuously putting yourself in deeply painful scenarios. Goodness, no. What do I think it means? I think it means being the best you that you can possibly be. Before you say "I already tried that. They still didn't think I was good enough." Don't do it for them, don't do it in spite of them, rather do it in honor of them, even if they don't deserve it. Wake up daily and say "I'm living my life. I will accept the positive guidance I've been granted, and I will be the best I can possibly be because I love life." At first, this will be really freaking hard. Eventually though, you begin to believe what you say. Pray for your parents, your elders, even if you think they don't deserve it. I can absolutely guarantee you that there were times you didn't "deserve" prayer, but people were still praying for you. People were still rooting for you. Does this mean you'll have some incredible miraculous story like mine where you are able to begin to mend the relationship with your parents? I don't know. What I do know, is that this will begin to allow your heart to heal. I know honoring without relationship sounds SO strange, but sometimes, that's all that can happen. Sometimes, that the best you can possibly do. You know what? That's alright! For some of you, even thinking about doing so is a HUGE step. I'm so proud of you.
Leading on, for those of you that have an image of your Heavenly Father due to your earthly father, I'm so sorry. I promise you, God is not like your earthly dad. God is this amazing, mystic, shelter that is reaching His arms out to you to embrace you, as He grabs your hand to guide you through the scary times, and as He picks you up and swings you around during the amazing times. God gives greater grace than we can ever imagine, and you never have to question "When will I be good enough for Him?" Because gosh dang it, God loves you so deeply JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
Honor that. Cherish that. Remember, our Heavenly Dad will not give up on us. Trust Him. It may take time, but He understands that.
I'm still not entirely certain that I did this topic justice. I just felt like this needed to happen.
One last thing, just because this is directed towards my teens doesn't mean it can't apply to someone else. We are all children. Whether we are under 18 or over, we are all children of our Creator.
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