The Fear..Will It Overwhelm?
I'll never forget sitting in the chair that was light brown in color, and cold. So, so cold.
I'll never forget the cheesy music that was playing in the office that day.
I'll never forget the intense pain in my lungs, as if someone was pulling them out of my chest and setting a brick on them, every. Single. Day.
I'll never forget the paranoia I faced in the mornings as I would wake up with absolutely no recollection of the past few months of my life, and would have to read through old journal entries to be able to remember what had happened and where I was at.
My senses were heightened in immense ways.
I'll never forget the Doctor's posture as he sat in his chair and let out a huge sigh. I'll never forget the tone of the Doctor's voice whenever he said "I don't know how you're still alive right now. Usually someone that has digressed as quickly as you would be on their deathbed. We're considering sending you out of state for treatments."
Then, I went numb.
From that point on, the only thing I could "feel" was fear.
The fear that the pain in my chest in the mornings will be the last thing I feel. The fear that I won't be able to carry out the mission God has called me to.
Then, these past couple of weeks happened.
I was planning on taking a semester or two off to see where my health would go. The Lord assured me that wasn't the right steps to take, so I didn't.
Chaplaincy has presented some IMMENSE challenges like I could have never imagined. Each morning I would wake up and say "Lord, this is all in Your hands. I can do nothing without You." And each and every day, it would be HIS strength that would work through me. It would be His courage that would help me to continue on.
From this, the fear has no longer overwhelmed.
The courage to continue on in the face of this adversity has been something that is nowhere near being anything of my own strength. From this, I've learned that God can be trusted.
I think that's something most bible believing Christians would say, right? God can be trusted..
However, are we living as if He can be trusted? Or is the fear overwhelming, because we're unsure of if/when He'll step in?
Friends, from a person that wasn't sure she would make it through this summer, I tell you that God can be trusted.
Hold onto that. Don't hold onto fear.
I'll never forget the cheesy music that was playing in the office that day.
I'll never forget the intense pain in my lungs, as if someone was pulling them out of my chest and setting a brick on them, every. Single. Day.
I'll never forget the paranoia I faced in the mornings as I would wake up with absolutely no recollection of the past few months of my life, and would have to read through old journal entries to be able to remember what had happened and where I was at.
My senses were heightened in immense ways.
I'll never forget the Doctor's posture as he sat in his chair and let out a huge sigh. I'll never forget the tone of the Doctor's voice whenever he said "I don't know how you're still alive right now. Usually someone that has digressed as quickly as you would be on their deathbed. We're considering sending you out of state for treatments."
Then, I went numb.
From that point on, the only thing I could "feel" was fear.
The fear that the pain in my chest in the mornings will be the last thing I feel. The fear that I won't be able to carry out the mission God has called me to.
Then, these past couple of weeks happened.
I was planning on taking a semester or two off to see where my health would go. The Lord assured me that wasn't the right steps to take, so I didn't.
Chaplaincy has presented some IMMENSE challenges like I could have never imagined. Each morning I would wake up and say "Lord, this is all in Your hands. I can do nothing without You." And each and every day, it would be HIS strength that would work through me. It would be His courage that would help me to continue on.
From this, the fear has no longer overwhelmed.
The courage to continue on in the face of this adversity has been something that is nowhere near being anything of my own strength. From this, I've learned that God can be trusted.
I think that's something most bible believing Christians would say, right? God can be trusted..
However, are we living as if He can be trusted? Or is the fear overwhelming, because we're unsure of if/when He'll step in?
Friends, from a person that wasn't sure she would make it through this summer, I tell you that God can be trusted.
Hold onto that. Don't hold onto fear.
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