Pure Self
As my feet pounded against the concrete, the sweat dripped down my face, and my sock slid into my shoe, I was starting to become less aware of what was going on physically, and was starting to be aware of what was going on emotionally and spiritually.
I was trying to figure out what in the world had just happened.
I felt as though my entire world was shattered, but in the best possible way.
There was something different in my relationship with the Lord.
I began to count the steps, "1, 2, 3..." and began to breathe rhythmically as a car nearly hit me on this evening run.
I couldn't focus.
I couldn't be around others.
I couldn't do much of anything.
I had just completed weekend II of the Intentional Journey, and wow my world was wrecked. I had gone on this run to try and help clear my head and process what had just happened.
For those that don't know what the Intentional Journey is, the best way to explain it is 3 weekends of intensive, extensive group therapy with 20 of your closest friends (actually, complete strangers). Each day ranges from a few hours to an entire day. It. Is. Insane. If you're interested in going deeper into your emotional awareness and whatnot, talk with me.
What was supposed to be 1 mile was turning into 2, then 3...and so on.
I prayed as I ran, "Lord, what do I need to be aware of right now?" (other than the obvious vehicles nearly hitting me)
Immediately, my mind was taken back to my Systematic Theology class from last year, and an author by the name of Kierkegaard that I had studied. Kierkegaard's work about the undivided, focused heart is absolutely genius. He says this phrase, "Purity of heart is to will one thing."
So I began to think about what my heart was willing at that moment.
I stopped running at this point..I had no idea what neighborhood I was in, it was dark, it was getting cold, and my phone was dead. Glorious. So, following the example of Forrest Gump, I kept running.
I began to think deeper.
"Why is it necessary that humans be fully aware of their own self to be able to faithfully and fully live into the life of the incarnate shepherd?"
All the studying I've done about being created in the image of God flooded my mind.
I began to think about my beautiful and perfect niece (who is just under 11 months old).
She's so pure, uncorrupted, lovely, and the list goes one.
Where is the image of God in her?
To sum it up, in the purity of her heart and life.
So, thinking deeper into that, where is the image of God in someone that is older, that has experienced corruption, pain, the brokenness of sin, and is under the weight of filth on their life?
This led to what I'm currently pondering, praying about, and looking further into:
Perhaps the image of God (or the imago Dei), is under all the muck that either we have covered ourselves in, or that systemic evil has buried us in. The image of God is still in us. I'm finding that the better I know myself, I know how and why I tick, I dig into my love for others, fears, anger, regrets, etc., the better I understand the heart of God...This heart that pursues wholeness and riddance of the filth. The heart that moves one from being bound by the weight of filth, to being freed by the weight of glory. The Heart that desires all hearts to be so pure as they focus on simply living into the original image they were created within.
Therefore, I'm finding myself potentially coming to the simple conclusion that as I know myself better, I know God better. Under all the muck, is the pure self. The pure self that has the sole desire to be in a better and more full relationship with the Creator.
I'm not saying this is perfect, nor am I saying that this is my final conclusion. I'm saying that this is what I'm pondering at this time.
Knees weak, arms are heavy...Just kidding.
I finally saw a familiar street sign and was able to make my way back with more questions in my head than answers, but with more peace about digging into who I am/who I'm created to be. I was making my way back to the origin, not unlike this process of seeking wholeness found only in Christ.
I was trying to figure out what in the world had just happened.
I felt as though my entire world was shattered, but in the best possible way.
There was something different in my relationship with the Lord.
I began to count the steps, "1, 2, 3..." and began to breathe rhythmically as a car nearly hit me on this evening run.
I couldn't focus.
I couldn't be around others.
I couldn't do much of anything.
I had just completed weekend II of the Intentional Journey, and wow my world was wrecked. I had gone on this run to try and help clear my head and process what had just happened.
For those that don't know what the Intentional Journey is, the best way to explain it is 3 weekends of intensive, extensive group therapy with 20 of your closest friends (actually, complete strangers). Each day ranges from a few hours to an entire day. It. Is. Insane. If you're interested in going deeper into your emotional awareness and whatnot, talk with me.
What was supposed to be 1 mile was turning into 2, then 3...and so on.
I prayed as I ran, "Lord, what do I need to be aware of right now?" (other than the obvious vehicles nearly hitting me)
Immediately, my mind was taken back to my Systematic Theology class from last year, and an author by the name of Kierkegaard that I had studied. Kierkegaard's work about the undivided, focused heart is absolutely genius. He says this phrase, "Purity of heart is to will one thing."
So I began to think about what my heart was willing at that moment.
I stopped running at this point..I had no idea what neighborhood I was in, it was dark, it was getting cold, and my phone was dead. Glorious. So, following the example of Forrest Gump, I kept running.
I began to think deeper.
"Why is it necessary that humans be fully aware of their own self to be able to faithfully and fully live into the life of the incarnate shepherd?"
All the studying I've done about being created in the image of God flooded my mind.
I began to think about my beautiful and perfect niece (who is just under 11 months old).
She's so pure, uncorrupted, lovely, and the list goes one.
Where is the image of God in her?
To sum it up, in the purity of her heart and life.
So, thinking deeper into that, where is the image of God in someone that is older, that has experienced corruption, pain, the brokenness of sin, and is under the weight of filth on their life?
This led to what I'm currently pondering, praying about, and looking further into:
Perhaps the image of God (or the imago Dei), is under all the muck that either we have covered ourselves in, or that systemic evil has buried us in. The image of God is still in us. I'm finding that the better I know myself, I know how and why I tick, I dig into my love for others, fears, anger, regrets, etc., the better I understand the heart of God...This heart that pursues wholeness and riddance of the filth. The heart that moves one from being bound by the weight of filth, to being freed by the weight of glory. The Heart that desires all hearts to be so pure as they focus on simply living into the original image they were created within.
Therefore, I'm finding myself potentially coming to the simple conclusion that as I know myself better, I know God better. Under all the muck, is the pure self. The pure self that has the sole desire to be in a better and more full relationship with the Creator.
I'm not saying this is perfect, nor am I saying that this is my final conclusion. I'm saying that this is what I'm pondering at this time.
Knees weak, arms are heavy...Just kidding.
I finally saw a familiar street sign and was able to make my way back with more questions in my head than answers, but with more peace about digging into who I am/who I'm created to be. I was making my way back to the origin, not unlike this process of seeking wholeness found only in Christ.
Love this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading, my friend. I'm excitedly anticipating sitting with you and talking about what the Lord is teaching you!!
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