Torn Between Emotions and Intellect

I'm speechless right now. Where do I begin?
Man, have I been blessed here recently. And I do mean beyond blessed. Things that others tell me I deserve have been happening to me, and I sit here in awe just wondering how and why I, Ashton Mason, the person that has caused so much heartache in this world, deserve this. I know Jesus provides redemption, but man, it's still difficult to accept. I'm at a point where everything amazing that is happening, honestly scares me senseless.

One thing that college has taught me (or is in the process of teaching me, at least) is when to sit and think, and when to react on the spot. (Thank the dear Lord for this skill!!!) So, thank goodness, on a few different occasions, I have stopped to think before acting on impulse, and I'm convinced I have avoided much pain and trouble in doing so. Especially whenever life throws me things that absolutely put me on my knees and tears in my eyes, in the joy sense. When those things happen, I start to fear. I begin to fear that I will mess it up, that I will not fulfill the mission I am designated to accomplish using the things provided to me, and so on. If the fear overtakes me, I tend to run back to those things that should just stay in the past. And then, I'm stuck. No, no, no, I'm not even stuck. I am torn.

I'm torn because my heart says yes (cheesy, I know), but intellectually, I stop and say "Seriously? The thing/person that hurt you so much already, you're going back to? No. Not happening." So then, I'm torn between emotions and intellect. Sure, there's the phrase "Follow your heart!!" but dang it, the heart is deceptive. Then, there's the phrase "intellect over emotion", but sometimes we over think things (Constantly, actually.) and then what? You've exhausted both phrases, and you're still torn, just now it's worse because you have no idea what to do.

At which point, I am located. The heart is deceptive, and the mind is jumbled. Now what?

It's simple, right?! Here, I'll give you a step-by-step of what to do!
1. . . . . . .
Yeah, no.

At this point, I am pressing in to what I know to be true, and loving the One that has this master plan that is determined to use me in this beautiful symphony of life. Everything else, with my attentive, intentional perseverance day in and day out, will work itself out. Everything else, is just minor aspects in this crazy, beautiful, incredible life.

At this point, I have a spark in my heart to ignite the rest of the world and show them the Light.

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