You make me brave.
So I had the opportunity to speak to the congregation.
That’s right. Not just a youth group with 50ish people. I’m talking like a
congregation that averages around 325 or so weekly. Being 19 years old and only
just completing my first year at college, I found this task to be incredibly
intimidating. My fears of pastoral inadequacy quickly set in and I was like “Oh
no. This can’t happen.”
Not only were those fears happening, but I had also just
began a job in social work that week, and I quickly learned that social work is
incredibly difficult and will test you in every which way you can imagine.
After week one, I was ready to quit. It wasn’t necessarily that the job was all
that terrible, I was just so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to invest in my
clients the ways that they needed, and to be quite frank, I was exhausted.
However, I knew that I was in that job for a reason, so I stayed.
I had two weeks to
prepare this sermon, and for about a week and a half of that two weeks, I would
keep waking up at 4:14 AM with different ideas and illustrations for this
sermon, but piece by piece they just didn’t make sense so I would write them
down and just be like what am I supposed to do with these? My topic was “Peace
within overwhelming exhaustion.” Let me just tell you, I was absolutely
exhausted and freaking out because this sermon was to be given in three days,
and it still wasn’t finished and I didn’t feel as though I was connecting with
my client at work and so on and so forth. For an experienced pastor, they’re
probably like “three days? Easy.” For a young’un such as myself, that is
absolutely terrifying! So finally, I said, “God, you placed this opportunity in
front of me. For that, I thank you…could you please just give me some courage??”
(I’m one of those people that will write then delete entire sermons because I’m
afraid they aren’t quite good enough. Pastoral inadequacies.)
So, three days before this sermon was to be delivered, I
looked at all the 4:14 AM things, looked at my scripture that I wanted to use,
and said “Alright God, let’s put this together. No turning back.” Then, it
happened. I realized that the first illustration that happened at 4:14 that I
thought was absolutely ridiculous could be placed to help to better understand
this scripture, and then this illustration that I was really afraid to use
could be placed here and work well, and so on and so forth. Before I knew it,
it was done. Before I knew it, I was standing up and practicing it in front of
my great gram, and the whole time she was smiling and at the end she said “Well
that was really sweet.” (She’s a Saint.) At that point, I knew I had it. I
finally slept a whole night that night and when I woke up and looked at my
clock, I expected it to say 4:14, but nope! I had slept all night!! I woke up
feeling completely embraced by Peace. So I thought about what had happened,
what had changed? As I was driving to
work, I usually try to avoid Christian radio stations because they’re kinda
fuzzy here in Fort Scott and in the mornings it’s mainly talking rather than
music, but this particular morning I turned it to the Christian station and the
song was “You make me brave” by Bethel music. I just start laughing and crying
as I listen to the lyrics. Not only did they lyrics relate completely to my sermon
about stepping out in faith even when you’re afraid and exhausted, but it also
related to my emotional and spiritual process for the last about two weeks. The
lyrics say “You call me out beyond the
shore into the waves. You make me brave. No fear can hinder the love that made
a way. You make me brave.” God’s love has paved the way for us. Stepping
out onto the waves is scary, but finding our bravery in Him and His promises is
so beautiful. Would you be willing to find your bravery in Him? Would you be willing
to set aside all the “inadequacies” and say “Let’s do this. Take me deeper than
my feet can reach. Spirit, lead me.”
BUT, He makes me brave.
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