Mission:Nashville.
My desire and God's design didn't match.
It was approximately late February/early March when my summer was completely flipped upside down. I was planning on working and living with a friend in the city for the month of June, I was to be in China in July teaching English, and then for the rest of the time working in the city. That was going to be my summer. If, for whatever reason, China didn't work out, I was going to be working at a camp in Colorado. Whatever was to happen, I knew that I didn't want to live in Fort Scott for the summer. I was so excited for it! Within about a weeks time, my heart was absolutely broken then I received some affirmation that I wasn't exactly thrilled about. Within a week, China trip was canceled, and my Mom called me and said that my brother would be starting his internship at Harley Davidson in May, and since he's the primary caretaker of Great Gram, they would be needing someone else and would only be comfortable with family taking care of her. Well shoot. The guilt trip pulled at my heart strings, so I decided to stay in Fort Scott. What now? All these awesome opportunities for ministry were gone. That was it. I was really upset and confused because I had prayed so diligently about this summer and thought for sure I wasn't supposed to be in Fort Scott. Sure enough, later that same week, my former youth pastor came up to grab coffee with me at school, and offered me a summer internship at church. At first, I felt like denying because I didn't want to lead games on stage every week. As we talked about it though, he really wanted me to focus on discipleship and wanted me to preach multiple times. I knew this would give me good experience for my internship that I'll be starting in August, so I accepted. I changed my prayers from "God, help me to survive this summer in Fort Scott" to "Thank you for one last opportunity to impact my home town." I immediately began praying for the youth group and asked my friends at school to pray for it, and I began praying for our mission trip. As soon as I did, life became a whirlwind of complications. Loved ones were lost, a job was lost, I wasn't sure where I should live for the summer, three decent sized scholarships that I was banking on to be able to return to MNU without a loan for sophomore year didn't come through, my first day of summer my brother was in a very serious motorcycle accident, and the list goes on. God was faithful, though. Financially, I was taking care of Great Gram, working for a Mental Health Center, and would be working in a local factory, along with the internship. Anything and everything was tearing my attention away from these teens, but I did everything I could to focus on them. The Sunday morning that we were scheduled to leave for Nashville, I woke up SICK. I was throwing up, I had a terrible headache, I couldn't make myself get out of bed, it was terrible. I knew it wasn't like an illness type of sick though, it was like an anxiety type of sick. I just had a crazy feeling about this trip.
My crazy feeling was justified.
As I look at all the teens that were going, I had never seen three of them before. No big deal. Except one of them wouldn't even give me the chance to talk to her. Well dang. Good start.
So we travel there and it's a good time as always and we meet our speaker and his team from South Carolina. John, his wife Jules, (their 4 amazing kids) and the worship team Josh and Justin. This team was absolutely amazing and connected with us perfectly. They were immediately family. Each person (including the 4 children) had a vital part of this ministry team.
As far as the rooming situation went, we had three "cabins." Middle school/freshman girls in one, upperclassmen girls in another, and guys in another. I was elected to work in the middle school/freshman girls' cabin. The first night, I decided we would do a cabin devotion just to test it out. They LOVED it and were hungry for more! We would each debrief, talk about what it meant, talk about how to apply this stuff back home, and read scripture and huddle together and pray. I was blessed by some amazing girls.
Throughout the week, we worked with three different homeless organizations including Sophia's Heart, Nashville Rescue Mission, and Room in the Inn. We met some incredible workers at these organizations, and also the people these organizations hosted. We did a poverty simulation that tried to show the stigma and the challenges to get back on your feet.
The heartbreak.
At one point, one of my teens that I've been pretty close with for a couple of years now approached me and wanted to talk. So we make our way to an area away from a lot of people, and I have known him long enough to know when he wants to open up but just didn't know how. So, I simply say "Say what you're thinking. Don't hold back." and man oh man.....he didn't. He expressed to me how much he hated God. He expressed to me how he wouldn't and couldn't ever love Jesus again. He was simply done with it all.
A few of my other teens opened up to me about their image of very little self worth.
My heart was broken.
Nightly Chapels
Chapels at night were pretty stinking awesome. There was something different about our speaker John that I just couldn't quite pick up on. On Wednesday night I do believe it was, he preached and then did an "alter call"...but it wasn't a normal alter call. They prayed individually for each and every teen that went up there. It wasn't just a short little prayer either. This whole "alter call" took SIX hours! Nearly every single teen went to be prayed for. Almost the whole time, I was praying for each teen and kept crying and it was just an incredible atmosphere. The Holy Spirit hit us like a TRAIN. Same teen that told me he hated God...recommitted his life to Christ. The same teen that wouldn't look at me the first day...hugged me. I can't even explain this night. The last night during worship, everyone put an arm around each other as we sang the song "Good good Father" and the worship leader stopped playing as our voices cried out "You're a good good Father. It's who You are. It's who You are. It's who You are, and I'm loved by You. It's who I am. It's who I am. It's who I am." At that moment, any doubts of identity or questions of possession of our hearts present in the room were broken. Our identity is found in the love of Christ. HE holds our hearts. It was so beautiful. That night, my cabin requested that we start a small group together for this summer to go deeper.
These teens desire to go deeper, and are HUNGRY for the TRUTH!
To Conclude
To wrap it up, I'm so happy other things didn't work out. I learned so much about myself as a leader, and received clarity that missions with teens is where I belong. I located a whole new level of love in my heart as I watched these teens interact the homeless. I was amazed by each teens complete transformation that happened in a weeks time. My cabin of middle school girls all agreed to keep each other accountable. Guys, it was crazy. If you ever want to see brick wall Ashton that doesn't show emotions cry, just ask me about Nashville, because I can almost guarantee I will start crying. The night we returned, I was calling all my friends from school to talk to them about it, and cried the whole time!
I could ramble on for hours. I'll leave it with this though; The Holy Spirit hit this whole group like a train.
It was approximately late February/early March when my summer was completely flipped upside down. I was planning on working and living with a friend in the city for the month of June, I was to be in China in July teaching English, and then for the rest of the time working in the city. That was going to be my summer. If, for whatever reason, China didn't work out, I was going to be working at a camp in Colorado. Whatever was to happen, I knew that I didn't want to live in Fort Scott for the summer. I was so excited for it! Within about a weeks time, my heart was absolutely broken then I received some affirmation that I wasn't exactly thrilled about. Within a week, China trip was canceled, and my Mom called me and said that my brother would be starting his internship at Harley Davidson in May, and since he's the primary caretaker of Great Gram, they would be needing someone else and would only be comfortable with family taking care of her. Well shoot. The guilt trip pulled at my heart strings, so I decided to stay in Fort Scott. What now? All these awesome opportunities for ministry were gone. That was it. I was really upset and confused because I had prayed so diligently about this summer and thought for sure I wasn't supposed to be in Fort Scott. Sure enough, later that same week, my former youth pastor came up to grab coffee with me at school, and offered me a summer internship at church. At first, I felt like denying because I didn't want to lead games on stage every week. As we talked about it though, he really wanted me to focus on discipleship and wanted me to preach multiple times. I knew this would give me good experience for my internship that I'll be starting in August, so I accepted. I changed my prayers from "God, help me to survive this summer in Fort Scott" to "Thank you for one last opportunity to impact my home town." I immediately began praying for the youth group and asked my friends at school to pray for it, and I began praying for our mission trip. As soon as I did, life became a whirlwind of complications. Loved ones were lost, a job was lost, I wasn't sure where I should live for the summer, three decent sized scholarships that I was banking on to be able to return to MNU without a loan for sophomore year didn't come through, my first day of summer my brother was in a very serious motorcycle accident, and the list goes on. God was faithful, though. Financially, I was taking care of Great Gram, working for a Mental Health Center, and would be working in a local factory, along with the internship. Anything and everything was tearing my attention away from these teens, but I did everything I could to focus on them. The Sunday morning that we were scheduled to leave for Nashville, I woke up SICK. I was throwing up, I had a terrible headache, I couldn't make myself get out of bed, it was terrible. I knew it wasn't like an illness type of sick though, it was like an anxiety type of sick. I just had a crazy feeling about this trip.
My crazy feeling was justified.
As I look at all the teens that were going, I had never seen three of them before. No big deal. Except one of them wouldn't even give me the chance to talk to her. Well dang. Good start.
So we travel there and it's a good time as always and we meet our speaker and his team from South Carolina. John, his wife Jules, (their 4 amazing kids) and the worship team Josh and Justin. This team was absolutely amazing and connected with us perfectly. They were immediately family. Each person (including the 4 children) had a vital part of this ministry team.
As far as the rooming situation went, we had three "cabins." Middle school/freshman girls in one, upperclassmen girls in another, and guys in another. I was elected to work in the middle school/freshman girls' cabin. The first night, I decided we would do a cabin devotion just to test it out. They LOVED it and were hungry for more! We would each debrief, talk about what it meant, talk about how to apply this stuff back home, and read scripture and huddle together and pray. I was blessed by some amazing girls.
Throughout the week, we worked with three different homeless organizations including Sophia's Heart, Nashville Rescue Mission, and Room in the Inn. We met some incredible workers at these organizations, and also the people these organizations hosted. We did a poverty simulation that tried to show the stigma and the challenges to get back on your feet.
The heartbreak.
At one point, one of my teens that I've been pretty close with for a couple of years now approached me and wanted to talk. So we make our way to an area away from a lot of people, and I have known him long enough to know when he wants to open up but just didn't know how. So, I simply say "Say what you're thinking. Don't hold back." and man oh man.....he didn't. He expressed to me how much he hated God. He expressed to me how he wouldn't and couldn't ever love Jesus again. He was simply done with it all.
A few of my other teens opened up to me about their image of very little self worth.
My heart was broken.
Nightly Chapels
Chapels at night were pretty stinking awesome. There was something different about our speaker John that I just couldn't quite pick up on. On Wednesday night I do believe it was, he preached and then did an "alter call"...but it wasn't a normal alter call. They prayed individually for each and every teen that went up there. It wasn't just a short little prayer either. This whole "alter call" took SIX hours! Nearly every single teen went to be prayed for. Almost the whole time, I was praying for each teen and kept crying and it was just an incredible atmosphere. The Holy Spirit hit us like a TRAIN. Same teen that told me he hated God...recommitted his life to Christ. The same teen that wouldn't look at me the first day...hugged me. I can't even explain this night. The last night during worship, everyone put an arm around each other as we sang the song "Good good Father" and the worship leader stopped playing as our voices cried out "You're a good good Father. It's who You are. It's who You are. It's who You are, and I'm loved by You. It's who I am. It's who I am. It's who I am." At that moment, any doubts of identity or questions of possession of our hearts present in the room were broken. Our identity is found in the love of Christ. HE holds our hearts. It was so beautiful. That night, my cabin requested that we start a small group together for this summer to go deeper.
These teens desire to go deeper, and are HUNGRY for the TRUTH!
To Conclude
To wrap it up, I'm so happy other things didn't work out. I learned so much about myself as a leader, and received clarity that missions with teens is where I belong. I located a whole new level of love in my heart as I watched these teens interact the homeless. I was amazed by each teens complete transformation that happened in a weeks time. My cabin of middle school girls all agreed to keep each other accountable. Guys, it was crazy. If you ever want to see brick wall Ashton that doesn't show emotions cry, just ask me about Nashville, because I can almost guarantee I will start crying. The night we returned, I was calling all my friends from school to talk to them about it, and cried the whole time!
I could ramble on for hours. I'll leave it with this though; The Holy Spirit hit this whole group like a train.
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