Where there is peace, there is affirmation.
Here recently, I've found myself struggling with my calling into full time vocational ministry.
Same old song, right?
Kind of.
It's been a different type of struggle.. Not the typical struggle of "Do I want to do it?", rather the struggle of as I grow to know the heart of God more and more as greater pieces of His character are being revealed to me through fellowship and vulnerability, I'm beginning to realize His desire for my life, for all of our lives;
His Kingdom Come.
Through that, my perspective regarding my calling has completely shifted. OF COURSE I want to be a relentless follower when it comes to that. I want to be a relentless follower in whatever ways He would have for me. I want to live for the sake of the Kingdom.
Through that, it has been revealed to me that my discernment of my calling was a little skewed. Many of you know that I had discerned my calling as working in an inner city with youth that are coming out of sex trafficking. That's cool. Except, every time I would say it, I wouldn't have a deep sense of peace about it. For so long, I thought that was just because I was afraid. I'm now realizing I was wrong.
I've always faced an anxiety about working within a church building. As I'm doing so more and more now, however, I'm overwhelmed by a sense of peace.
This weekend, as Well Rooted went on a retreat and us interns, a few mentors, some parents, and a couple of staff at Living Hope planned/led, it was AMAZING the various things that happened. Every anxiety I had about ministry in general but more specifically ministry in a church building was consumed by the Holy Fire.
More than anything, I found myself to be so at peace this weekend, beyond what is natural.
I sensed peace as a middle school girl sobbed as she told me of her family struggles.
As a middle school boy thanked me for being so kind to him.
As a middle school girl that intentionally separates herself from the group every time we're together, and that I've had such a hard time connecting with, talked with me about her struggle with self-image.
As a high school girl grew to be at peace with not having a youth pastor.
As a high school boy accepted wherever God might lead him.
As a middle school boy told me his passions in life.
As a high school girl spoke to me about what an impact the message from our Saturday afternoon session had on her.
As a middle school boy spilled coffee right as worship at church was starting, and I helped him clean it up.
As I walk up on a group of middle school girls and boys both in the woods, having a conversation about what the messages were about and what they thought about it, and they invited me to join them to process.
As a middle school girl texts me this afternoon, very excited to grab Starbucks with me next week because "I was so changed by this weekend!! I know the voices that should be speaking into my life!!"
As a group of middle school girls find absolute joy because I allowed them to play with my hair, late into the night, and we had endless laughs and deep conversations.
Through all these things this weekend, I found myself to be overwhelmed by peace. I found within that peace, the affirmation to find myself working in a church building that facilitates programs to aid inner cities.
Same old song, right?
Kind of.
It's been a different type of struggle.. Not the typical struggle of "Do I want to do it?", rather the struggle of as I grow to know the heart of God more and more as greater pieces of His character are being revealed to me through fellowship and vulnerability, I'm beginning to realize His desire for my life, for all of our lives;
His Kingdom Come.
Through that, my perspective regarding my calling has completely shifted. OF COURSE I want to be a relentless follower when it comes to that. I want to be a relentless follower in whatever ways He would have for me. I want to live for the sake of the Kingdom.
Through that, it has been revealed to me that my discernment of my calling was a little skewed. Many of you know that I had discerned my calling as working in an inner city with youth that are coming out of sex trafficking. That's cool. Except, every time I would say it, I wouldn't have a deep sense of peace about it. For so long, I thought that was just because I was afraid. I'm now realizing I was wrong.
I've always faced an anxiety about working within a church building. As I'm doing so more and more now, however, I'm overwhelmed by a sense of peace.
This weekend, as Well Rooted went on a retreat and us interns, a few mentors, some parents, and a couple of staff at Living Hope planned/led, it was AMAZING the various things that happened. Every anxiety I had about ministry in general but more specifically ministry in a church building was consumed by the Holy Fire.
More than anything, I found myself to be so at peace this weekend, beyond what is natural.
I sensed peace as a middle school girl sobbed as she told me of her family struggles.
As a middle school boy thanked me for being so kind to him.
As a middle school girl that intentionally separates herself from the group every time we're together, and that I've had such a hard time connecting with, talked with me about her struggle with self-image.
As a high school girl grew to be at peace with not having a youth pastor.
As a high school boy accepted wherever God might lead him.
As a middle school boy told me his passions in life.
As a high school girl spoke to me about what an impact the message from our Saturday afternoon session had on her.
As a middle school boy spilled coffee right as worship at church was starting, and I helped him clean it up.
As I walk up on a group of middle school girls and boys both in the woods, having a conversation about what the messages were about and what they thought about it, and they invited me to join them to process.
As a middle school girl texts me this afternoon, very excited to grab Starbucks with me next week because "I was so changed by this weekend!! I know the voices that should be speaking into my life!!"
As a group of middle school girls find absolute joy because I allowed them to play with my hair, late into the night, and we had endless laughs and deep conversations.
Through all these things this weekend, I found myself to be overwhelmed by peace. I found within that peace, the affirmation to find myself working in a church building that facilitates programs to aid inner cities.
I found that where there is peace, there is affirmation.
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