Nostalgia.

I found myself to be staring at the sunset in the same place I'd sat and watched so many times before. I found myself to be in complete awe at the masterpiece unfolding in front of me in the sky as tears streamed down my face. So many times before, I had been on this same soccer field. My time there began with playing the beautiful game then morphed into going up to this quiet place to watch sunsets while I would try and process things in my life. I made the decision to attend MNU at this place. I made the decision to pursue ministry at this place, to quit drinking, to completely and fully love God, to love myself, to end an abusive relationship, etc. You name it, most of my difficult decisions have been made in this same place. The tears advanced from streaming to a waterfall as I thought about the relationships I've lost not only in the past year, but just in these past few months. As I thought about the things I've given up to pursue this life I'm living. As I thought about the people that have chosen to walk out of my life. I began to look at every avenue of my story. Absolutely nothing made sense for me to pursue ministry.
Literally, nothing.
I began to have a deep sense of nostalgia. I miss the people that walked out of my life. I miss my old life. I miss not worrying about what people thought, because I have to hold up some sort of professional image. I missed so much and had a deep longing to return to that familiar place.

I then looked up at the sunset as the clouds were right at the edges and then I saw it. I saw the love in His eyes. He laid Himself down to raise the broken to life. He traded heaven to have us. I was reminded of the difficult decisions I had once made at this place, and was reminded of the decisions I make as I wake up every single day.
The same awe I experienced at that place is the same awe I experience as I write papers for ministry classes. As I attend college at MidAmerica Nazarene University. As I have the privilege to serve in a youth group. As I tell people my story, and am able to boldly proclaim how faithful God is as I tell of His fingerprints all over my life.

Friends, the truth is, is that our souls long for Jesus. And the beautiful thing about this innate longing? He longs for us.
Nostalgia for the old life may return at times, but trust me, there is nothing more beautiful and no greater privilege than being used as vessels for the whole world to see His love in us.

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