A season to mourn, lives to celebrate.
Monica Hershey- December 1st, 2008.
Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009.
Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010.
P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011.
Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013.
Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014.
Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015.
Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015.
Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015.
These names. These are the names of people I was either best friends with or acquaintances with that died what I perceive to be far too soon. The dates after, well, you can assume. I'm still trying to process death. I'm still trying to figure out what it means. Does death only mean the loss of a person here? Not in my eyes. Within death, everything we know changes, yet life still goes on. The sun still rises and sets in all its power; yet we feel powerless as we try and process how to continue.
Among all these deaths, my processing had a common theme every time: I didn't. I just didn't process.
If you look at the years, you will see that there was at least a death every year except one. How can someone begin to process that?
How can someone begin to process that people whom of which were beautiful lights in this world are no longer here?
The main thing was, was that I was so jealous. I was jealous that God had all these wonderful people (yes, these people that are on this list did love/serve Jesus at the time of death, thankfully.)
I was upset, and I was taught to suppress emotions, so I did for the longest time.
Until this year.
This year, I've learned about grieving. I've learned how healthy it is to grieve, and how detrimental it is to not grieve.
Currently, I'm trying to figure out what this particular season is supposed to look like, as between the dates of October 25th and January 1st, there are four losses to mourn. I have already felt it take it's toll on me as I celebrated my 20th birthday on October 25th, and remembered these people that aren't here to celebrate.
This season has been incredibly difficult ever since the first loss back in 2008.
To that, I'm saying no more.
I think a huge part of grief is learning to celebrate daily, as daily we wake up and learn what life looks like beyond that single date. Daily, we wake up and figure out what the other 364 days of the year will teach us.
What have I learned?
I have learned to write letters, telling people what they mean to me, for I may never have the chance to do so again.
I have learned to never walk away from someone while angry without telling them I love them, for I may never have the chance to do so again.
I have learned that life is so precious and fragile, beyond what we know; therefore I treat it as such.
I have learned to love as extensively as I know how, because for all I know, that may be the last chance I have to express love.
I have learned that death does not look at age.
I have learned that the experiences I had with these people are forever implemented into my memory, as nearly every single night I will dream about at least one of these people.
I have learned that words are far less powerful than presence. If I could have these peoples presence in my life yet again, I would give back all the words we ever shared.
I have learned that you don't know what words to say as you're sitting with a family, rather the instinct is to just embrace them.
I have learned to take in the moments of this life; the sweet and the bitter; as the bitter make the sweet all the more wonderful, and the sweet moments are just a taste of the Kingdom to continue to come.
I have learned that my God is not a God that is separated from us, rather He is at our bedside whenever we wake up from the reoccurring nightmare of your friends death, and in the moments for the rest of the night whenever you can't sleep.
I have learned that my God is right with me as I visit my friends' burial places whenever I'm home.
And most of all, I have learned that somehow, we continue on.
Psalm 18:28 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”
Monica Hershey- December 1st, 2008.
Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009.
Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010.
P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011.
Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013.
Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014.
Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015.
Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015.
Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015.
Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009.
Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010.
P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011.
Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013.
Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014.
Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015.
Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015.
Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015.
These names. These are the names of people I was either best friends with or acquaintances with that died what I perceive to be far too soon. The dates after, well, you can assume. I'm still trying to process death. I'm still trying to figure out what it means. Does death only mean the loss of a person here? Not in my eyes. Within death, everything we know changes, yet life still goes on. The sun still rises and sets in all its power; yet we feel powerless as we try and process how to continue.
Among all these deaths, my processing had a common theme every time: I didn't. I just didn't process.
If you look at the years, you will see that there was at least a death every year except one. How can someone begin to process that?
How can someone begin to process that people whom of which were beautiful lights in this world are no longer here?
The main thing was, was that I was so jealous. I was jealous that God had all these wonderful people (yes, these people that are on this list did love/serve Jesus at the time of death, thankfully.)
I was upset, and I was taught to suppress emotions, so I did for the longest time.
Until this year.
This year, I've learned about grieving. I've learned how healthy it is to grieve, and how detrimental it is to not grieve.
Currently, I'm trying to figure out what this particular season is supposed to look like, as between the dates of October 25th and January 1st, there are four losses to mourn. I have already felt it take it's toll on me as I celebrated my 20th birthday on October 25th, and remembered these people that aren't here to celebrate.
This season has been incredibly difficult ever since the first loss back in 2008.
To that, I'm saying no more.
I think a huge part of grief is learning to celebrate daily, as daily we wake up and learn what life looks like beyond that single date. Daily, we wake up and figure out what the other 364 days of the year will teach us.
What have I learned?
I have learned to write letters, telling people what they mean to me, for I may never have the chance to do so again.
I have learned to never walk away from someone while angry without telling them I love them, for I may never have the chance to do so again.
I have learned that life is so precious and fragile, beyond what we know; therefore I treat it as such.
I have learned to love as extensively as I know how, because for all I know, that may be the last chance I have to express love.
I have learned that death does not look at age.
I have learned that the experiences I had with these people are forever implemented into my memory, as nearly every single night I will dream about at least one of these people.
I have learned that words are far less powerful than presence. If I could have these peoples presence in my life yet again, I would give back all the words we ever shared.
I have learned that you don't know what words to say as you're sitting with a family, rather the instinct is to just embrace them.
I have learned to take in the moments of this life; the sweet and the bitter; as the bitter make the sweet all the more wonderful, and the sweet moments are just a taste of the Kingdom to continue to come.
I have learned that my God is not a God that is separated from us, rather He is at our bedside whenever we wake up from the reoccurring nightmare of your friends death, and in the moments for the rest of the night whenever you can't sleep.
I have learned that my God is right with me as I visit my friends' burial places whenever I'm home.
And most of all, I have learned that somehow, we continue on.
Psalm 18:28 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”
Monica Hershey- December 1st, 2008.
Parker McKenney- June 23rd, 2009.
Jacob Welch- March 21st, 2010.
P.J. Self- October 25th, 2011.
Britney Ackerman- December 25th, 2013.
Matthew Wiebelhaus- July 4th, 2014.
Quincy Foster- January 1st, 2015.
Charles Hunter Reeves II- February 25th, 2015.
Frank Leslie Hazlip- March 5th, 2015.
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