In Awe of Compassion.
Compassion, in it's true, raw form, is so incredibly heart-wrenching and difficult to fully embrace. As Milan Kundera states, “for there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.”
I never knew compassion until I became vulnerable with others and let others see me, in my true, raw form. Taking down the barriers that are endless smiles, a walk that says that I'm incredibly confident in myself, and the facade that I somehow had everything figured out about God, then, and only then, did I learn true, raw compassion (and still in the midst of learning).
Compassion has always been something I thought I knew. I was compassionate. I hugged people whenever they were crying, and told them I would pray for them, and occasionally do follow-ups. I would randomly text people in the midst of their struggles, and give them an encouraging word. Mostly, I would be SURE to hold everything together in public, because everyone needs a smile. Very rarely would I be vulnerable and open with people. I wanted to pour into their lives, NOT the other way around.
I then prayed the prayer "God, break my heart for what breaks Yours." By golly, the first thing he revealed to me? I wasn't using fellowship as he had intended. Wait, what? God, I meant for You to put broken people in front of me…He then revealed to me that He had, as I was staring in the mirror. Fellowship is to be an outpouring of our hearts to one another in confidence that they are a person God strategically placed in your life. Not an outpouring on one side. So, I addressed it. I was very intentional about finding solid people I could be vulnerable with, and began meeting with them weekly. One person in particular has been Jamie Furnas. She's a Junior here at MNU, and she's a student chaplain. In about our second meeting (we barely knew each other), she flat out told me that me withholding from others was withholding blessings from them. Wait, WHAT?!? I don't want them to hurt for me!! We discussed how when I can tell a friend is hurting, I want to be there for them in every aspect, but I wasn't allowing others to do the same most of the time. So, I began to be vulnerable with her. I told her much more than I could have every expected to. She sat with me during the most difficult times of this semester, and she has celebrated with me during the amazing times. She has been vulnerable with me. Then, I began to learn compassion.
Vulnerability, in its true, raw form, is letting others see our true, raw self, and vice versa.
Then, I believe is when I began to learn true compassion. Before, when I was not vulnerable with someone, there was always that knowledge I possessed that I was withholding something, and we would not be able to understand each other fully.
It hurts. Compassion is painful. My heart is utterly shattered at this present moment for a few different friends. However, this is the type of heartbreak that is..well..different. This heartbreak is such a blessing, and can be embraced as such. You are able to see a person as themselves. Take down the barriers, the facades, the "tough guy" act, and you can see a person. When they're broken, it hurts. Bad. One of my really good guy friends is struggling deeply with depression, and daily I hurt for him and with him. Being able to see him for him though, that is something incredible.
I am so in awe of what compassion truly is. As I learn more about it and experience it more, I'm sure my thoughts will shift at times, but man is it incredible and heartbreaking.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Embracing the suffering of others is so incredibly difficult. I can't emphasize that enough. It is so incredible to see a human being as their true, raw self, however.
I never knew compassion until I became vulnerable with others and let others see me, in my true, raw form. Taking down the barriers that are endless smiles, a walk that says that I'm incredibly confident in myself, and the facade that I somehow had everything figured out about God, then, and only then, did I learn true, raw compassion (and still in the midst of learning).
Compassion has always been something I thought I knew. I was compassionate. I hugged people whenever they were crying, and told them I would pray for them, and occasionally do follow-ups. I would randomly text people in the midst of their struggles, and give them an encouraging word. Mostly, I would be SURE to hold everything together in public, because everyone needs a smile. Very rarely would I be vulnerable and open with people. I wanted to pour into their lives, NOT the other way around.
I then prayed the prayer "God, break my heart for what breaks Yours." By golly, the first thing he revealed to me? I wasn't using fellowship as he had intended. Wait, what? God, I meant for You to put broken people in front of me…He then revealed to me that He had, as I was staring in the mirror. Fellowship is to be an outpouring of our hearts to one another in confidence that they are a person God strategically placed in your life. Not an outpouring on one side. So, I addressed it. I was very intentional about finding solid people I could be vulnerable with, and began meeting with them weekly. One person in particular has been Jamie Furnas. She's a Junior here at MNU, and she's a student chaplain. In about our second meeting (we barely knew each other), she flat out told me that me withholding from others was withholding blessings from them. Wait, WHAT?!? I don't want them to hurt for me!! We discussed how when I can tell a friend is hurting, I want to be there for them in every aspect, but I wasn't allowing others to do the same most of the time. So, I began to be vulnerable with her. I told her much more than I could have every expected to. She sat with me during the most difficult times of this semester, and she has celebrated with me during the amazing times. She has been vulnerable with me. Then, I began to learn compassion.
Vulnerability, in its true, raw form, is letting others see our true, raw self, and vice versa.
Then, I believe is when I began to learn true compassion. Before, when I was not vulnerable with someone, there was always that knowledge I possessed that I was withholding something, and we would not be able to understand each other fully.
It hurts. Compassion is painful. My heart is utterly shattered at this present moment for a few different friends. However, this is the type of heartbreak that is..well..different. This heartbreak is such a blessing, and can be embraced as such. You are able to see a person as themselves. Take down the barriers, the facades, the "tough guy" act, and you can see a person. When they're broken, it hurts. Bad. One of my really good guy friends is struggling deeply with depression, and daily I hurt for him and with him. Being able to see him for him though, that is something incredible.
I am so in awe of what compassion truly is. As I learn more about it and experience it more, I'm sure my thoughts will shift at times, but man is it incredible and heartbreaking.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Embracing the suffering of others is so incredibly difficult. I can't emphasize that enough. It is so incredible to see a human being as their true, raw self, however.
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