This, my dear friends, is life.

I'm laying in my bed after a day that was long. When I say long, I mean this day started at 5AM with a phone call from a member of my flock, in which I immediately went over to this person's place to pray over them. As I was heading back to get ready for class, I pulled over at a park and sat in my car, and I cried. Hard. It was a combination of complete exhaustion and overwhelmed by the joy of having the opportunity to do this. I'm finding that the very thing that I love (ministry) has some of the greatest rewards, but also has some of the most trying times a person can face. I can't tell you how many nights in the past month I've stayed up until 4AM praying for one of my flock, only to fall asleep for 3 hours before waking up to go to breakfast with someone that needed to talk and process. I can't tell you how many times in the past month I've found myself in my office, critically analyzing how I'm performing in the different areas of ministry, ...

I'll never forget sitting in the chair that was light brown in color, and cold. So, so cold. I'll never forget the cheesy music that was playing in the office that day. I'll never forget the intense pain in my lungs, as if someone was pulling them out of my chest and setting a brick on them, every. Single. Day. I'll never forget the paranoia I faced in the mornings as I would wake up with absolutely no recollection of the past few months of my life, and would have to read through old journal entries to be able to remember what had happened and where I was at. My senses were heightened in immense ways. I'll never forget the Doctor's posture as he sat in his chair and let out a huge sigh. I'll never forget the tone of the Doctor's voice whenever he said "I don't know how you're still alive right now. Usually someone that has digressed as quickly as you would be on their deathbed. We're considering sending you out of state for treatm...

I yearn for the day I can look at the news in the morning, and a new shooting hasn't occurred the night before. I yearn for the day I can think about having kids in the future, and not have extensive fear run through me. I yearn for the day that instead of speaking slander and hatred, we speak love and life. You all know the current state of our country. It's in complete disarray, it seems like. Many are speaking into the fear they have for the upcoming elections. So many that are to be working for justice are being killed or are killing. I've been doing some research, and we won't even get into the economic predicament we could be entering if this all continues. It's chaos, friends. And to be quite frank, it's kind of terrifying. I was praying this morning after reading of the shooting in Dallas, completely heartbroken. I expressed my fear and heartache to God, and He responded some pretty simple, yet profound things to me. He impressed on my heart that H...

Life can, and does, happen in a flash. You can wake up one morning in a beautiful state, working the dream job that you've been praying for since you received a calling into youth ministry missions when you were 16, and by the end of the night, you're booking your flight home due to health concerns. The weeks to come, you suffer from extensive physical and emotional pain, constantly questioning why God would make such an amazing thing happen only to have it taken away so quickly. You wonder why you went through such trouble to get to such a trip, to have something so simple make it be done. In the days and weeks to come, you question everything. Well, mostly everything. The one "thing" that you literally CANNOT question because it keeps getting shoved in your face every waking moment is God's love for you. I'm going to quit talking in third person now. If you're close with me at all, you know how much I was looking forward to this trip. You know ...

"Only through Christ are we victorious" is the phrase that kept running through my head and completely overtook my prayers a year ago, to the day. For so long, I tried to do it on my own, potentially including God a little here and there. Every single time I got up close and personal with the giant in my life, the overwhelming addiction that I fought for 7 years, it was much more than I could face. "I can never do this" I told myself over and over again as for 7 LONG years I fought to no end, leading to exhaustion and questioning what else to do. I tried counseling, meetings, nothing seemed to work for more than a couple of months or so. God finally gave me a smack across the face whenever He revealed to me that I would struggle with this for the rest of my life if I didn't completely surrender this giant in my life. He continually showed me that healing was possible, if I wanted it. Time and time again, I asked for healing from this, however, I asked for heal...

My heart is ready. My body is prepared. My soul is longing to serve in different, unique ways. Doing construction based work on a small team in a small town working with teens in the Adirondack mountains? Count me in. While there were some personal challenges to overcome during training, I never thought I would be coming back to Kansas before August. We arrive on site, and I immediately notice that something just doesn't feel right. I thought it was just due to exhaustion. I press on, because I'm ready. I'm ready to get to know this community and love on them in whatever ways and tell them the gospel first with my actions, then with my words. I'm so ready. The hours go on, and I notice myself growing sicker and sicker. Nope, press on. I'm ready. I notice that I only feel extremely sick while at the place we're staying and where my workspace is at. Ignore it. I'm ready. It wasn't until making a phone call home that I find out what the cause of...

The risk of gratitude runs deeper than we are willing to feel. Have you ever been truly grateful for someone? I'm talking like you know without a doubt they are a Divine placement in your life. Sure, we're grateful. We use manners when someone opens a door for us, buys us lunch, or whatever other circumstance arises that permits a "thank you." Look beyond the mundane circumstantial gratitude. Have you ever been grateful for the Divine placement in your life? Regardless of what they do, you're grateful for them? Woah woah woah Ashton...That's kinda sketch. I mean, they haven't done anything for me to be grateful for them. Yeah, I know. I don't think I began to get a true picture of God until someone told me they were grateful for me. I replied with "What did I do?" They said "nothing, that's the point." God is grateful for you, before you even choose to love Him and accept Him. Well yeah, Ashton. Duh. Yeah, exactly. It...